Ranking 'Tortured Poets' based on Track Titles

A new Taylor Swift album comes out in tomorrow... Obviously we know literally nothing but the track titles at this point, so this is essentially me ranking what songs titles I'm most excited for/ intrigued by. Following reflection on my Midnights Tracklist Ranking, I'll be briefly including my reasons why I am ranking them the way I am this time. I'm also going to be counting down from 20 rather than starting with my favourite. Hopefully this reads a little better! 

20. Fortnight

In last place is Fortnight, which we know has a Post Malone feature and is of course, the opening track! I am so excited for this song, which you may raise an eyebrow at as I have literally ranked it in last place... but this will be the first track I click on! The first glimpse into this entirely new album! The song that will (most likely) confirm the genre of the album for us! However, the things putting this so low on the list are 1. I have never really listened to Post Malone, I couldn't even name a song of his, so I'm a little unsure of his presence on this track... having said that I will be going in with a completely open mind. This collaboration must be a good one if Taylor has put it as the opening track! Which leads me nicely onto point 2. A collaboration as an opening track?! A very unusual choice which at present leaves me with more questions than feelings of excitement! Aaand finally, 3. Having played Fortnite for years now, I cannot hear this word for its original meaning anymore hahaha. Every. Single. Time. I hear or see people discuss this track, I think of Llamas and Loot Chests and SMGs. I wonder if that will ever change! Maybe soon, all I'll be able to think of is this song!

19. Down Bad

This one has found itself so low purely because it sounds very generic to me on first impressions. 'Down Bad' usually means you've fallen for someone big time, almost tragically obsessed with them, so I'm intrigued to see where this fits on an album seemingly documenting the process of falling out of love.

18. Guilty as Sin?

The punctuation used here intrigues me more than the song title itself. It's so interesting to see this title posed as a question, like she wants us to know even before listening that it is not a definite thing, that things are not black and white. Life isn't black and white, and maybe she thought we needed reminding of that before she dives into the content of this song. At least, that's how I perceive it thus far! It ranks low because other than the use of the question mark, I'm not presently intrigued about the rest.

17. Clara Bow

I'm not sure why, but song titles that are a name have never intrigued me. I was least excited for 'Betty' when Folklore was announced, then again with 'Dorothea' on Evermore, but I love both of those songs so much now. I think it's because usually with a name titled song, comes a story, and without that story, the name itself doesn't mean anything yet. I'm aware that Clara Bow was an American actress in the 20s, but I am still yet to know her story. Or if her story is actually at all relevant to the story Taylor will be telling in this song. I just don't know yet, therefore I just don't feel that connection yet! 

16. The Alchemy

I started this post about a week okay, and have since learnt what alchemy is (lol) and am actually feeling a little more excited for this one now due to the countless times Taylor has referenced 'gold' when singing about Joe. It's become such a theme since reputation that we all (as fans) discussed so openly before the breakup, that it would be such a clever concept to play with now, and a very clever way to do it! 

15. My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys

I didn't initially gravitate towards this title (but then I felt similarly about 'this is why we can't have nice things', which now I know the song, is named so perfectly) however I am very intrigued by the content of this track. To me, the title points to a tale of a partner who treats those nearest and dearest to him worse than anyone else. Perhaps taking those that love him for granted? It's an intriguing concept, especially on an album seemingly centred around the breaking down of her longest relationship.   

14. But Daddy I Love Him

The aspect that excites me most about this track is definitely the fact it's a quote from one of my favourite Disney films, The Little Mermaid. It ranks fairly low due to the fact that this could simply be a coincidence and she might not be referencing the movie (released in 1989, may I add) at all, so I'm preparing myself for the potential disappointment of that. Now I know 'dispointment' is a heavy word to use when describing a theory with absolute no present confirmation or proof, but it would just work so well!!! The tale of a girl who gives up her voice for a chance to be with the man she loves!!! Idolises!!! And we know Taylor loves to take a tale and give it an alternate ending, ahem, Love Story... Not to mention her dressing up as Ariel, for a party presumably co-hosted with Joe, a few years back. If this theory were to be confirmed, But Daddy I Love Him would be in the top 5 of this list, but for now it seems too good to be true, so here it remains. 

13. loml

At 13, we have loml. Sooooo interesting that we only have the abbreviation here, and not 'Love of my life', which this typically stands for. It leads some to believe that it might in fact stand for something different. It's an intriguing theory, as Taylor has never used abbreviations as actual song titles before, but I find the prospect of it standing for love of my life equally as discussable. A break-up album about the same guy she wrote You're Losing Me for with a song called love of my life? After she's put all the love songs for him in a 'denial' playlist on Apple Music? Maybe that's exactly it, maybe it's a track representing that phase of denial. Excited to find out either way! 

12. Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me

I don't really have any predictions for this song, but I do know that I am curious to find out! Especially as she describes her great fear of being 'too big' of a presence in Anti Hero to fit in with anyone. Potentially hinting at what fans have speculated for a while- she felt her fame was so large and suffocating because someone was telling her it is. She stopped being able to bask the positives and therefore felt the scrutiny and negatives to a much more extreme extent than she seemingly has before. She hid- as she's publicly told us in her Time Person Of The Year interview: 'Me locking myself away in my house for a lot of years- I'll never get that time back'... I get the feeling she was made to feel like more of a inconvenience than someone of importance in said relationship (tolerate it, 'I know my pain is such an imposition'), and therefore felt small... Much to fathom with this one, I fear.

11. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

I love how positive this sounds. I may look back on this and laugh, maybe it's depressing as hell, but I get such a triumphant, determined feeling from this. A very 'feel the fear and do it anyway' kind of feeling. You don't have to feel good or sane to feel hopeful and choose optimism. It's actually when those things are at their most beautiful and powerful. 

10. The Manuscript

Now, the final ten! This one has made it into the ten most anticipated due to the theories it has inspired all being so interesting. I saw someone online discussing the possibility of it being a raw, unedited telling of their story, as a manuscript is usually the first version of a book, pre-editing and polishing. This is so intriguing as it is a bonus track, and in the last few years we've seen first hand (particularly thinking of folklore's 'the lakes', evermore's 'it's time to go' and pretty much all of the midnights 3am tracks) that Taylor is putting perhaps her most honest and revealing songs of all as bonus tracks. I think it's totally possible that this track could be a blunt, direct retelling of their relationship, without tweaking and taking out the vulnerable or risky lines she wouldn't put on the standard/ streaming version of the album. My mum and I also discussed the idea of it literally being about a manuscript- maybe a piece of writing that depicted her feelings of pain or doubt within her relationship that maybe her partner found, thus creating a pivotal moment in their relationship. Of course, it's just theorising, but the theories surrounding this song are inspiring me greatly... and we only have two words! 

9. The Bolter

I'm going to be completely honest with you and say part of my love for this title is because the patch looks like it has a rabbit on it and I love bunnies. But of course, I also am conspiring that it could tie into all the lover and rep songs that have themes of one or both of them often running from what they have, and then again in Midnights where she is still referencing an ongoing fear of him leaving. Hmm! I could see both Taylor and Joe playing the role of the bolter at times. 

8. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

I am so so excited for this one... what a good track title. It's not top 5 due to my fear of how scathing this may be!!! 

7. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

This one just sounds so playful to me. I love the addition of the brackets, I think that for me is what makes it feel fun and delusional but in almost a cheeky way, rather than sad denial. Someone I've always loved about Taylor is her ability to lift up even the darkest of places. I wouldn't be surprised if there were humorous moments throughout this album, my best bet thus far being this track. We know she's left the glitter gel pens behind for this one, but to me that definitely does not exclude the use of intelligent and subtle humour. I potentially detect a theme of sarcasm throughout this album... I think maybe that's coming from the title track itself being a jab at that group chat. You know the one. 

6. The Albatross

I am so excited to see how she relates the idea of The Albatross to her own life/relationship. I am very intrigued to know if she is referencing the famous poem (shoutout to my mum for fathoming this), which seems likely on an album with poetry so present as a main theme... I mean, the albums about Tortured Poets! If so, I wonder if she depicts herself or someone else as the bird or the one who shot and killed it. What or who is the burden. The consequence being the man who survived having to go around telling the story of what happened for the rest of their life... and that's essentially what Taylor is doing by immortalising her hardships in her music. I would love for this connection to be relevant in this track! It works so well! 

5. The Tortured Poets Department

I love a bloody album title track! This simply had to be in the top five for that reason alone! It's also such a mysterious name. Why department? Why poets? Why tortured? Why did this end up as the album name? Can't wait to know the answers to these questions!

4. Fresh Out The Slammer

Okay so this easily could have been number one on this list, but there's just so many good track names!!! Simple as!!! This is a song name I would have loved to have come out with myself, I think it's so bold and cool and immediately draws me to this track. Especially as a (presumed) breakup song title. It's too iconic! 

3. The Black Dog

Listen, I know this is going to be referencing depression in some way, but I'm just wanting at least one lyric I can sing to Bob. My gorgeous black retriever. Pls Tay, my only request! 

2. Florida!!!

I had been truing to decide where to go on holiday this summer and picking between France and Florida. All week I was doing lame things like going into clothing shops and picking up tees and sweatshirts with different countries on, looking for some sign of where to pick but not finding it. Then on the day I'm telling myself I need to finally decide for good, I wake up to The Tortured Poets Department tracklist dropping and what's the first thing I see? FLORIDA!!! WITH THREE EXCLAMATION MARKS AKA MY FAVOURITE NUMBER!!! So whatever this song is about, whether it's happy or sad, about Florida or not, it is my sign!!! I'm going!!! It slays already x 

On a completely different note I've also been listening to a lot of Florence and the Machines latest album and the songwriting really is beautiful. I'm so excited to see what they have created together. 

1. So Long, London

So. Long. London. London Boy. London, one of my favourite places with my favourite memories in recent years. This is going to devastate me. and it's track 5 so the devastation is basically conformed. Are all UK fans feeling this track title especially hard?! Taylor saying goodbye to London, a city that she has so openly loved so much for so long... way before she ever met Joe, is absolutely catastrophic. From the second I read this title, it's been the one I'm most desperate to hear. Not long now...

Please let me know what track you are most excited for in the comments below, I would love that. I can't wait to look back at this post and see just how wrong (and maybe a little right?) I was. It's been really fun and thought provoking to delve into an album purely based on track titles and what little we know about her personal life these last 6 years. I will be reviewing this album on my second ever listen, just like with Harry's House and Midnights. See you on the other side! 

E

ps sorry for how many times I used the word intriguing in this post lol, but I am extremely intrigued! by all of it!!! hahahah