Hiya! Just adding this little bit at the start to explain what this new series is all about. I have so many notebooks full of lyrics, poems and some finished songs. There’s lots of unfinished little bits and odd lines here and there that have never been used and I’ve always thought it would be a shame for them to sit under my bed collecting dust. The idea for this series is for me to list which songs, some you might recognise from my youtube, have been completed in said book, the post all the little poems, odd lines and half songs from the rest of the notebook! I hope you enjoy. Please keep in mind when reading that this is basically like sharing my diary, these words are very close to me. Some really personal songs won’t be included. It’s also important to know that the lyrics don’t necessarily reflect me as a person or my views. Most of these will be very old and I also write many songs based on books etc and from the point of view of others or characters.
Which Songbook?
Songbook from:
2015 & 2016
Year 10 & 11
Age 15-16
Completed Songs:
1. Blood Red
2. Room
Uncompleted songs, Poems & Random Lyrics:
I had a life without you
Laughed and smiled before you
~
And they say ‘yet another predictable song about love and the way it makes her feel’
So I go and write a song that they’ll love about topics that are way to real
to share with anyone
~
When I’m loud
They don’t question the downs
Can’t you see that it’s a great cover up
~
Don’t get me wrong
I’m not just fake
But if you tell them what they want
The sooner you can walk away
~
If I play a song about something I really love to you
I must really love you
I can’t wait till I’m less shy
& I can play the songs I love all the time
~
I wanna find a boy
Who’s really mean
To everybody else
But nice to me
~
I wanna live in your moment
~
I want to be able to describe you
In ways no one else can
I want to draw you in detail
With my own two hands
~
My heart’s surrounded by a fence
To keep me guarded
But there’s a kissing gate on the left side
So meet me there
~
Feeling inspired
But also lonely & tired
~
I wish I didn’t care
Because, god, this hurts
& I can see you on the edge
& I can feel you getting worse
You can’t feel me holding on
So I’ll tighten my grip
But now you’ll take me down too
So please don’t slip
~
You cannot just tell me to be a bit more like her
I know you might not mean any harm
But I think you’d prefer me some other way
~
In a few weeks I’ll have no excuse to see you ever again
That’s hit me hard
I hate that I haven’t made the most of these few years
I haven’t seen you in months
when I’ve had the chance to see you every day
~
Tell me what you’re thinking
Tell me what you’re feeling
No ones ever honest
So go on, give it all some meaning
~
I know it’s a lot to ask from you
And I doubt you’d even try
But all I need is a few honest words
And some form of goodbye
~
Change is coming and it’s changing me
All these opportunities escaping me
I’ve missed too much to move on happily
The past is pinning me down whilst the future’s drowning me
~
All of your words, they really sink in
Like no one elses ever did
4am & you’re the last thought on my mind
Before I fall asleep, then I wake up wondering why
My mind only chooses to hear you
~
Sometimes I just want to say
‘Stay and talk to me all day’
~
I have no reason to stay up all night now I don’t have you
But it’s a routine I’d gotten a little too used to
~
You’re killing the game
I’m dying to play
And petrified I’ll lose
Reflection:
The start of this songbook is taking quite a cynical approach on things. I wasn’t in a good place in my head and I was still butthurt over boy troubles. Someone new enters my life in this phase too which encouraged lots of lyrics of confusion and me trying to take away someone elses troubles, that weren’t mine to fix.
There are a few odd lyrics here and there that don’t relate to any situation I was personally going through, but were inspired by narratives from songs and books I was absorbed in at the time. It really makes me nostalgic knowing exactly what I was listening to and inspired by at the time of the lyrics.
I think that the songs near the end of this book really document the whirl wind feelings I had about leaving school, the fear of change looming being clear in the lyric starting ‘change is coming’. I didn’t go to school very often at all in year 10 and 11 so when it came to leaving I realised just how much I missed. I was also coming to terms with the fact I wouldn’t have the excuse to see some people anymore, which is shown in the verse beginning ‘In a few weeks’.
It’s an interesting book for me as it’s caputured my feelings in a very important and significant chapter of my life. If it wasn’t for these lyrics and poems I wouldn’t have that insight into just how insecure and overwhelmed I felt I actually felt without telling anyone, and I would probably have blocked it out. That’s what’s so great about the honesty of songwriting, it really was my diary.
END OF BOOK #1
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